Marriage On The Black Market
Roo is a guest author on Christine's blog
by Roo Palmer
We were brought up on a system. Some call it a western system. Others call it Christian. Most of us were brought up knowing the difference between right and wrong, black and white, rich and poor. We came to know a language, a family history, our country’s history and roots. Most of us grew up knowing something about God, whether it be told at Christmas time, or in Sunday school, or by our parents. Then, when we left the school system, we were faced into a world we weren’t really sure of or had experienced. Employment, politics, travel, trends, money, and leisure activities that we hadn’t understood before. So, we experimented without knowing the real dangers, stepping our feet into waters that we have no ounce of experience or wisdom in. Then, we ended up making mistakes. Some of those mistakes were only learning experiences, but some were deadly, life changing and very destructive. One of those mistakes would come in the form of our marriage, if the mistake was that we married the person who would not be right for us, and we would bear that mistake to our children.
If you are a child born into domestic violence, you live a daily lifestyle of stress, fear, and trauma. You cannot see any peace within your self to enjoy what you want to enjoy. You cannot focus on a future because you are living a constant fear that never ends. If you are a wife of domestic violence, you wonder what went wrong. You wonder what happened to the gentle man who was going to be the man of your dreams. You were conned into believing that he really loved you, and that you would live to a ripe old age in a long lasting and happy marriage.
If you are the controller in the domestic violence house, you are either copying a learnt behaviour, or you cannot get ahead to know how to deal with your anger and to feel a worth by the world outside.
You have not learnt to cry. You have not learnt to love in the way that love really is in reality. Your love is only what Hollywood taught you, not the love that God is and can be to you. You know that your actions will eventually break your spirit and your body when you find that your new home is a steel barred cell, maybe sharing with other prisoners who don’t tolerate committers of domestic violence. When you said ‘I do’ in front of hundreds of people at your wedding, and before God, your vow was useless the moment you took the power in your heart to dictate your family, rather than love your family. As soon as you responded with violence on your wife, or your children, your marriage certificate was invalid and your wife was no longer subject to it. She would now be able to seek safety, whether or not, you sought help for yourself. Far too many husbands take in the ‘Wives, submit your husbands’ with gusto and power, but forget to respond to, “Husbands, love your wives,” in the same way. You have forgotten God’s love for women because you have also forgotten God’s love for you. You do not know or accept that God loved women and had a strong fellowship with women of second rate to the religious hierarchy of biblical times. You do not know or accept that He still does have love and a strong fellowship with women of second rate against the powers of today. You think you are not to blame for your actions, but you really are. You make the choices whether you seek help and counselling long before your fellow inmates do the job for you. The world knows that you were not born a violent person, but the world also knows that you learnt that behaviour, from somewhere, and you were brainwashed into believing a lie to the very point of taking your action on innocent people. You are domestic terrorist within your heart, terrorising your family and others, complaining that you are the one who is hard done by and everyone else is at fault. No, your actions are at fault, but God still loves you, but God does not tolerate or accept your actions as okay either, and neither does your wife. When God said to Eve, ‘Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you,’ did not mean that you were allowed to dictate with your fists and verbally, physically or sexually abuse her. It meant that you were the head in most of the decision making, but you were also to love her and respect her as a human being.
But, there is also the other side of the spectrum. A lot of men are victims of domestic violence from their overbearing, dominating wives and that is not acceptable either. Some women want to rule their nest, and men are caught up in a submission that is not naturally theirs or God ordained.
So, men need to take control of the situation and seek wise advice to what the best course of action is, without violence, but with diplomacy, and allowing God to work on her heart. If she not willing to step down from ruling the nest, she will bear the lack of her own respect and integrity from others, and she will take in the harvest that she created.
Domestic violence also starts in childhood, learning from violent movies, video games, TV, and bully behaviour in the play ground. The action of adults needs to start there, with correction and education of positive behaviour, both by example and by discipline. School bullying is the responsibility of the teachers and the school as well as the parents, teaching them responsible behaviour from the very beginning, so a child does not then grow up to become a wife beater or child abuser.
Roo Palmer
Roo Palmer's blog
by Roo Palmer
We were brought up on a system. Some call it a western system. Others call it Christian. Most of us were brought up knowing the difference between right and wrong, black and white, rich and poor. We came to know a language, a family history, our country’s history and roots. Most of us grew up knowing something about God, whether it be told at Christmas time, or in Sunday school, or by our parents. Then, when we left the school system, we were faced into a world we weren’t really sure of or had experienced. Employment, politics, travel, trends, money, and leisure activities that we hadn’t understood before. So, we experimented without knowing the real dangers, stepping our feet into waters that we have no ounce of experience or wisdom in. Then, we ended up making mistakes. Some of those mistakes were only learning experiences, but some were deadly, life changing and very destructive. One of those mistakes would come in the form of our marriage, if the mistake was that we married the person who would not be right for us, and we would bear that mistake to our children.
If you are a child born into domestic violence, you live a daily lifestyle of stress, fear, and trauma. You cannot see any peace within your self to enjoy what you want to enjoy. You cannot focus on a future because you are living a constant fear that never ends. If you are a wife of domestic violence, you wonder what went wrong. You wonder what happened to the gentle man who was going to be the man of your dreams. You were conned into believing that he really loved you, and that you would live to a ripe old age in a long lasting and happy marriage.
If you are the controller in the domestic violence house, you are either copying a learnt behaviour, or you cannot get ahead to know how to deal with your anger and to feel a worth by the world outside.
You have not learnt to cry. You have not learnt to love in the way that love really is in reality. Your love is only what Hollywood taught you, not the love that God is and can be to you. You know that your actions will eventually break your spirit and your body when you find that your new home is a steel barred cell, maybe sharing with other prisoners who don’t tolerate committers of domestic violence. When you said ‘I do’ in front of hundreds of people at your wedding, and before God, your vow was useless the moment you took the power in your heart to dictate your family, rather than love your family. As soon as you responded with violence on your wife, or your children, your marriage certificate was invalid and your wife was no longer subject to it. She would now be able to seek safety, whether or not, you sought help for yourself. Far too many husbands take in the ‘Wives, submit your husbands’ with gusto and power, but forget to respond to, “Husbands, love your wives,” in the same way. You have forgotten God’s love for women because you have also forgotten God’s love for you. You do not know or accept that God loved women and had a strong fellowship with women of second rate to the religious hierarchy of biblical times. You do not know or accept that He still does have love and a strong fellowship with women of second rate against the powers of today. You think you are not to blame for your actions, but you really are. You make the choices whether you seek help and counselling long before your fellow inmates do the job for you. The world knows that you were not born a violent person, but the world also knows that you learnt that behaviour, from somewhere, and you were brainwashed into believing a lie to the very point of taking your action on innocent people. You are domestic terrorist within your heart, terrorising your family and others, complaining that you are the one who is hard done by and everyone else is at fault. No, your actions are at fault, but God still loves you, but God does not tolerate or accept your actions as okay either, and neither does your wife. When God said to Eve, ‘Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you,’ did not mean that you were allowed to dictate with your fists and verbally, physically or sexually abuse her. It meant that you were the head in most of the decision making, but you were also to love her and respect her as a human being.
But, there is also the other side of the spectrum. A lot of men are victims of domestic violence from their overbearing, dominating wives and that is not acceptable either. Some women want to rule their nest, and men are caught up in a submission that is not naturally theirs or God ordained.
So, men need to take control of the situation and seek wise advice to what the best course of action is, without violence, but with diplomacy, and allowing God to work on her heart. If she not willing to step down from ruling the nest, she will bear the lack of her own respect and integrity from others, and she will take in the harvest that she created.
Domestic violence also starts in childhood, learning from violent movies, video games, TV, and bully behaviour in the play ground. The action of adults needs to start there, with correction and education of positive behaviour, both by example and by discipline. School bullying is the responsibility of the teachers and the school as well as the parents, teaching them responsible behaviour from the very beginning, so a child does not then grow up to become a wife beater or child abuser.
Roo Palmer
Roo Palmer's blog
posted by Christine Duncan | 3:55 PM
1 Comments:
your insights into the problem of spousal abuse are heart wrenching. That guy that lived by himself on a pond, with no kids, no bills, no responsiblities to anyone but himself said "men lead lives of quiet desperation" Well don't most people feel that way? Male or female you are in control of your own destiny without intervention from outside "input" Only you can control you. If you can do that you will be at peace and your family and all around you will find comfort in your strenth.
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